Starting Strong

Highs and lows. Roses and thorns. Brownies and frownies. Happies and crappies.

However you might word it, “best/worst” icebreakers have become a traditional opening in many small groups.

They’re easy. They’re foolproof. They’re prep-free. They don’t require deep reflection. They focus on “me and what happened to me” — always a popular topic.

Breaking ice is a noble and necessary endeavor, especially with people who are still learning the fine art of thoughtful conversation. But if the goal of our small group discipling is spiritual growth and formation, maybe it's time to move the needle on our ice-breaker strategies to be a little more reflective and a lot more focused on how our personal experiences intersect with God and others.

What if we started with something like this:

“What’s one way you brought help or hope to someone this week?”

This question invites people not to reminisce about their perceived experiences of personal life (talk about me for my own sake), but rather to reflect on their actual engagement with Jesus-centered faith (talk about how God and my understanding of him is affecting the way I think and act).

That’s a significant shift in both perspective and processing.

Many students haven’t yet made the connection between following Jesus and daily life. This type of question helps connect those faith-and-life dots in significant ways, first internally as they reflect and sort their thoughts, and then verbally as they articulate their experiential reality and spiritual awareness.

Research shows that articulated faith shores up foundational faith. In other words, saying becomes believing.

When we provide opportunities for our friends to speak honestly about how their faith impacts their attitudes and actions, we cultivate formational space. In truth, many of our adolescent friends have no idea yet that their faith actually is impacting their attitudes and action. But good questions can help create that awareness.

Open-ended statements or prompts can work just as well, something like this:

1. This week I struggled to follow Jesus when ...
2. This week I felt close to God because ...

Completing that kind of statement requires self-awareness, honesty, and humility, all of which are vital to a growing and lasting life of faith.

Starting with a thoughtful and reflective opener isn’t a buzzkill. It can be energizing and empowering. It can be meaningful. It can be life-giving. Whatever their age, people appreciate being challenged and given the chance to talk about real things, deep things, things that are bigger and beyond themselves.

Take time to brainstorm a collection of opening questions that offer a range of depth and reflection. That way, you’ll have plenty of options to keep you from getting stuck in the “high/low – happies/crappies” loop.

Here's a list​ of fresh openers to get you started.